Mahalo!
by CrimsonStarbird
Summary: In the heart of Sengoku-era Japan there lies a strange café where weapons are forbidden, allegiances and rivalries are left at the door, and all manner of odd events unfurl. This is the story of Polar Bear's Café.
1. The Dragon and the Polar Bear

**A/N: **_This will be a series of short stories very much in the style of Polar Bear Café episodes, hopefully taking place over the course of an (in-story) year. Updates will probably be slow as the whole point of this for me was to get a project that didn't require too much commitment during exam season, and so that I can do it as a bit of a break alongside my other, lengthy projects. _

_In keeping with my tradition of picking the most obscure combinations ever, this is a crossover with the game series Samurai Warriors, mostly focussing on Date Masamune and his interactions with the Café's regulars from the show. I originally wanted to use Masamune as he is portrayed in Sengoku Basara, but I have plans to use SW-only characters such as Okuni and Saika Magoichi later (along with Akechi Mitsuhide and others as they are portrayed in SW), so it has ended up being Samurai Warriors. As a result, Masamune acts a little more mature and a little less arrogant in this than he ordinarily would in SW, but hey, it's just for fun (and I prefer him that way!). _

_More SW characters will be added further into the story when I become more confident with writing this - and I'm also not neglecting other Polar Bear Café characters like Handa and Rin Rin; they will appear in due time! For the most part I shall attempt to have this (loosely) run parallel to the anime (in terms of things such as relationships which develop during the actual show) but it certainly won't be exact, especially in terms of synchronizing the seasons. Some events will replace ones that happen in the show, and others will fit in alongside them, but it should be clear which is which. It won't be too difficult to follow, anyway! This chapter is a bit awkward because of introductions and everything, but that should get better when I get more in to writing this._

_Now that the explaining is done, my author's notes in the future should be an awful lot shorter! Enjoy! :) ~CS_

* * *

**Mahalo!**

_by CrimsonStarbird_

**Chapter One – The Dragon and the Polar Bear**

Beneath the late afternoon sun the path through the woods was a ribbon of liquid gold; a stream choosing the winding path through the trees in order to take in as much of the beautiful surroundings as possible. The sunlight carried the sweet sound of birdsong down around the blossom-covered branches, wrapping the whole scene in a gentle, protective aura. Even though Sasako made the journey to and from her grandmother's house every day, the sight of the woods in full bloom never failed to lift her spirits.

The woods were not always this enchanting; the pure joy that she felt walking in the late afternoon was one limited to a few weeks of early spring and mid-autumn. In the intense heart of summer, when the trees swam in the haze of heat, and the cicadas descended upon the wood in their riotous multitudes, Sasako tended to hurry along the path, the sooner to reach the shade of her own home. In winter, the thick snows took over the little piece of paradise, stripping the life from the trees and the friendliness from the atmosphere. Although the snow-covered scenery could be quite beautiful in the moonlight, the icy hostility and the early nightfall combined to hurry Sasako along. No, the best times of the year were autumn and spring, when the time of her walk coincided with the golden late afternoon sun. Then these woods, empty of other humans but still so full of life, became her home; became a safe little paradise just for her.

On this day, though, everything changed.

Her grandmother had just finished giving her a lecture on how she needed to find a job and a man and make something of her life, and the beauty of the woods had only begun to restore a small measure of peace to Sasako's heart, when a cry tore through the serenity of the scene.

Sasako froze, and it seemed as if the entire place froze with her. Was it just an animal? Already unsettled from the argument, Sasako's heart began to pound. She was certain that that had been a man's voice. What was a man doing here?

For a moment, Sasako felt an overpowering urge to retrace her steps and follow the road home. There would be lots of people on the road. She would be safe. But she shook her head defiantly and forced herself to take one step after another along the path. In the sudden absence of the familiar sounds of wildlife, the silence was as noticeable as thunder.

From the trees ahead of her, the shout came again – no, this time it was more of a cry – and it was followed by a thud. For a moment all was quiet, and then a cautious bird resumed its faltering song. One after another, the trees slowly came back to life; the woods reverted to their original state.

But all was not right. After a moment's indecision Sasako broke into a run, tearing down the path as quickly as her skirt would allow, not stopping until she reached the source of the disturbance, not stopping until she reached the point that would change her life-

On the ground there lay a man. Even though he was upside-down, with his face pressed into the dirt, the green leather and the steel and the solid build of someone used to physical combat told her he was a man. It didn't tell her whether or not he was alive. His stillness and the soil damp with blood were not positive indicators.

In that instant, where anyone else might have run, Sasako was not afraid. After a quick glance around the clearing confirmed that no one else was about, she knelt down beside the body and felt for a pulse. The faint yet sure sign of life she detected made her sigh in relief. So he was still alive, although he didn't stir at her touch. Now what? She wanted to help him, but she knew nothing about first aid. If she tried to look for a wound, or even if she moved him at all, she might only do more harm than good.

Then, she had to go and get help. At the border between the woods and the small town in which she lived there was a café – it was the nearest place she knew, and although she had never been inside, there had to be someone there with some knowledge of first aid. Yet, as Sasako turned to leave, she felt a twang of doubt. She couldn't just leave that man there. What if whomever had left him like that came back to finish the job? What if he woke up, moved, and collapsed again, and then no one came along to find him? What if some wild animal came along, and-

No. Her mind was made up; she wouldn't leave him there. As gently as she could, she rolled the man's body over. A thin moan escaped his lips, but his eyes didn't open, and Sasako wasn't sure that she hadn't imagined it. He was young, she noted absently, probably only a few years older than her. And oddly handsome. She couldn't see any wounds at first glance, but his armour was covered in blood. He needed help. There was nothing else for it.

Gritting her teeth in determination, Sasako lifted the man up and managed to sling him over her shoulder. He was heavy, especially with his armour on, but she wasn't small, and her will lent her strength. Staggering forwards, trying not to imagine what she looked like carrying the unconscious man, Sasako focussed on putting one foot in front of the other. It seemed to take a whole year before the trees ahead of her began to thin, and the field and its café became visible.

There was no one around as she lurched towards the front doors. The emptiness was not a good sign. As she came closer, she could see the notice on the door: _Closed for Interviews_. Her heart sank - though she had not carried the unconscious man all this way just to give up now. Surely the café's owner wouldn't mind the interruption, if it might save this man's life? She knocked, and when there was no response, she pushed the door open and stepped through.

The airy, sunlit room beyond had three inhabitants, all of whom turned to stare at Sasako as she entered. Behind the counter stood a polar bear, obviously the owner of the café. On one stool a penguin perched, a panda beside him, their conversation interrupted by Sasako's arrival. All three blinked at her, startled into silence by the nature of her appearance.

Leaning against the doorframe with one hand, Sasako stammered, "Please excuse the interruption during your interviews, but this man needs help – can he stay here while I run and get a doctor?"

The polar bear padded over to her, fixing her with a curious gaze. "What's your name, miss?"

"Me?" Sasako blinked in confusion. "I'm Sasako, but-"

"Sasako-san, you pass!"

"...Huh?"

* * *

_Earlier that day..._

"I hear you're hiring for part-time staff, Shirokuma," Penguin remarked.

The polar bear nodded, not taking his eyes off the coffee machine he was skilfully operating. "We're understaffed here as it is, and Okuni wants to cut down her hours so that she can spend more time at that temple of hers. Were you thinking of applying, Penguin-san?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure I could handle being a regular customer and a server."

"I have four interviews lined up anyway," Shirokuma commented casually.

"May I have an interview?" a new voice piped up. The two of them looked to see Panda standing there, watching Shirokuma with eager eyes.

The polar bear shrugged. "Why not?"

"I don't think this is going to end well..." Penguin muttered, but, as usual, no one noticed.

However, also as usual, Penguin was right.

After the interviews, as the last of the failed interviewees walked forlornly out of the door, Shirokuma turned to his friend with a sigh. "In the end, no one passed. It would be nice to just get a normal applicant for a change."

"What are you going to do now? Ask Okuni to start working full time?"

"I guess they need her more there than I do here. You know, I have half a mind to hire the first normal person who walks through that door."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Penguin asked doubtfully.

"Of course not, but what's life without a little whimsy?"

Penguin just looked at him in exasperation.

* * *

_Later on..._

When Masamune awoke, he could see and feel nothing but darkness. Sitting up took more effort than it should have done. Underneath him was a mound of coarse material. His armour had been taken from him, and he was dressed in some loose-fitting clothes that were too big. He would never have removed his armour voluntarily. In the darkness of this strange place, he felt vulnerable; a feeling which the throbbing pain in his chest and the slow, numbed pace of his hazy thoughts only intensified.

Yet Masamune was not a man of helplessness or inaction, and he had not come so far by giving in to fear. He pushed himself to his feet, his face twisting into a snarl in the darkness as pain lanced through his body. One hand found the wall for support, the other went to his side, the source of the pain diffusing through his body. His probing fingers found a rough bandage, and he frowned. So someone had dressed his wound - probably the same person who had brought him here.

Memories flashed through his mind: the forest, the fight – and then nothing. In his mind there lay no clue as to where he was or how he had come to be here. Perhaps Kojuurou had found him – but then Kojuurou would never have left him alone without a guard, and besides, he was sure that this was not his home.

The more he moved around the pitch-black room, the more certain he became of that fact. As he felt his way along the walls, looking for some sort of exit, he encountered shelves, boxes and barrels filled with all manner of things, from a liquid he hoped was water to a box of some sort of dry beans and uncooked rice. Eventually his grasping hand closed on a door handle, and he turned it eagerly.

Too late he realized that he might have been captured by enemy soldiers; as the door opened a crack and daylight light flooded in to the room, blinding him, his warrior instincts kicked in belatedly. He cursed himself inwardly but it was too late – if there were enemies in the room beyond they would already have seen him. There was no point in pretending now. Standing up boldly, he pulled the door open as wide as it would go, and with his eyes forced open as much as he could stand, he strode out of the room.

To his good fortune, the corridor he emerged into was empty. It struck him that the corridor was neither dark nor dirty. He wasn't entirely sure why he had been expecting that – perhaps the image of an underground dungeon was forefront in his mind. In actuality, the corridor was surprisingly clean, with a wooden floor and a high ceiling, and bright sunlight emanating down from sparkling windows. He didn't recognize the scenery he saw outside, but by this point, he hadn't expected to. His ears pricked up at the sound of faint, unfamiliar voices coming from one end of the corridor, and when he couldn't make out what they were saying, he found himself shrugging to the empty air. Utterly bewildered by the unexpected turn of events, he headed towards the voices.

At the end of the corridor there was a hinged double door, each one set with a porthole window. Masamune peered through cautiously, and found himself looking out upon some sort of café. Bright, welcoming sunlight skittered across the empty tables, all dressed and set for invisible customers. Vast windows revealed a well-kept garden and a terrace covered with more tables and comfortable wicker chairs. It looked like no one was around. Things just got stranger and stranger.

With one hand on the door, Masamune hesitated. He wasn't afraid any more – no, he was just overwhelmingly curious about the events that had brought him to this strange café, and cautious about their peculiarity. Still, what else could he do? "What's the worst that could happen?" he asked himself dryly, and he pushed the door open and stepped through.

Contrary to his first impressions, the dining area of the café wasn't empty. Against a wall stood a counter, behind which was a tall and imposing polar bear. Two sharp black eyes stood out amidst pure white fur, focussing intently down on what looked like a coffee machine. Somehow, he managed to look both out of place and right at home. On the other side of the counter there were several stools, and on one of those there was a penguin. How the sleek, flightless bird had managed to get up there in the first place Masamune didn't know, but he seemed completely comfortable in the human environment. Beside him there was a panda, and how the chair was able to support his plump weight was as equal a mystery as the penguin's seat. He swung his short legs back and forth, complaining to the penguin about something in a whiny voice. As Masamune watched this domestic scene in bewilderment, the polar bear finished the coffee and pushed the small white cup across the counter to the penguin.

Before Masamune could react, the polar bear glanced up and saw him. After a brief moment of shock, he realized that the great white bear was beckoning to him with his paw. "Ah, you're awake," he said, in a surprisingly jovial voice. More bemused than ever, Masamune walked slowly over to the three of them. "My apologies for putting you in the storeroom. We didn't have anywhere else that wasn't being used. How are you feeling?"

"Uh- fine, I think."

"Good. Here, sit down." Blinking, Masamune took a seat next to the penguin. "I'll get you something – on the house, of course. What would you like?"

"Sake," he replied immediately.

"We don't have sake."

"You don't have any kind of sake?"

"Nope."

"Then what do you have?"

"Well, the café mocha is popular."

"Fine, get me one of those."

As the polar bear turned away to operate the coffee machine again, Masamune frowned. That did seem to rule out the possibility that this whole scenario was some sort of drink-induced hallucination, although it certainly didn't mean that it was real. For all he knew, he could still be lying out cold in the forest, and this was some sort of weird vision. That made slightly more sense than a café owned by a polar bear.

"Still, tuna boat fishing is definitely the way forward."

Masamune started, and then relaxed slightly when he realized that the polar bear was addressing the panda. The young black and white bear seemed uncomfortable. "Nah. It sounds like too much work."

"It sounds like you're too lazy," the penguin shot back.

"What's with the tuna boat?" Masamune inquired, attempting to at least make some sense of the bizarre situation.

"Panda-kun is looking for a job," the penguin explained. "But he has no work ethic, is extremely lazy, and won't work for more than two days a week, so it's harder than it looks."

"Ah, Penguin-san, Penguin-san!" Panda chastised. "You're overlooking all my best qualities! I'm very good at lazing around, and eating bamboo, and all pandas are adorable!"

"Yeah, I think I see your issue," Masamune remarked.

"But look at how cute I am!"

"Sorry, but I don't really see the appeal of cute things."

Penguin laughed at Panda's shock, and even the polar bear was trying not to grin as he passed Masamune's coffee across the counter. "See, you're doing well here," he remarked to Masamune casually. Surprised, the warrior stared back as the bear turned away with a smile.

The door to the café swung open with the chime of a swinging bell, and all of them turned to see a young woman enter with a bow. She looked to be the perfect model of a waitress: charming and pretty, with her hair in plaits - and reassuringly human. "How's this, Shirokuma-san?"she asked.

The polar bear nodded his head approvingly. "You're all set to start tomorrow."

"Great," she smiled. Then her gaze fell on Masamune, and her eyes lit up. "Ah! You're okay! I'm so glad."

"Uh- yeah-" Masamune begun, confused.

"I'm Sasako."

"Uh-" This gave Masamune pause. It didn't appear that anyone here know who he was, which made it highly unlikely that they wanted anything from him. In anonymity lay safety - if they knew who he was, they could hold him hostage or otherwise use him to gain power. On the other hand, this strange assortment of animals didn't seem to be his enemies. In fact, he wasn't entirely sure if they were on any side at all. He sighed. "I'm Date Masamune."

As he had guessed, there was no reaction. No one had heard of him. Ordinarily this should have annoyed him, but here it meant that he was safe.

Sasako began, "It's nice to meet you, Date-san-"

"Masamune-kun!" Panda sang. "Are you coming to the party tonight?"

"The- what?"

"Polar Bear Café's Moonlit Cherry Blossom Viewing Party," Shirokuma explained. "We do one every year, but this time we're starting after sundown."

"After sundown?" Masamune repeated sceptically. "You won't be able to see the cherry blossoms. What a waste of time."

Sasako smiled earnestly. "The trees are beautiful in the moonlight, Date-san. You should come along. We'll be up on that hill if you want to join us tonight, right, Shirokuma-san?" The polar bear nodded in affirmation.

"Bring some sake," Penguin advised. "I went last year with Shirokuma and Llama and they did nothing but eat the whole time."

Masamune had to fight back a smile. "Maybe I will."

With that settled, the conversation quickly turned to other matters. Masamune listened, bemused and intrigued by what seemed to be normal banter between the café's strange inhabitants. It was odd how quickly he had come to accept this as normal - it probably had something to do with the loss of blood he had suffered, preventing him from thinking straight. And that was a point. Even though the wound in his side continued to throb dully, he had completely forgotten about it. This strange new world and its assortment of peculiar characters was so different to his regular life on the battlefields - and, much to his surprise, he didn't dislike it.

"Say, Penguin, I've had an idea," Panda began.

"Oh?"

"How about you pay me money each month for the privilege of being able to admire my cuteness?"

"How about no?"

"What about you, Masamune?"

"I already told you, I don't like cute things."

"Then you could pay not to look at me," Panda suggested hopefully.

"I don't think so."

"Oh." The bear sighed. "Say, Masamune, what do you do?"

Before he could come up with a satisfactory response, Sasako chimed in, "He's a samurai! Aren't you, Date-san?"

"Yes, in a sense," Masamune replied cautiously. There was no need to tell them exactly how influential and powerful a man he was. While he believed that no one here bore him any ill will, he could not be sure that the café's inhabitants weren't working for one of his rival lords. If his enemies found out he was injured, they might take advantage of his weakness to invade his territory, and he would not allow that to happen.

"So cool!" Panda's eyes shone. "I bet you have a sword and everything!"

"Of course!" Masamune exclaimed, reaching to his waist - and he froze as his right hand, so accustomed to the feel of that elaborate golden hilt, clutched at empty air. Realization hit him like a fist - whoever had taken his armour from him had also stolen his sword and pistols. In the hazy darkness of his awakening the true danger of this had passed him by - but what use was a warrior without his weapons? What if all this was a trap?

He sprang to his feet, kicking his stool to the floor with a clatter that caused the others to leap into the air with alarm. "Where the hell is my sword?" he yelled, fury that didn't belong in the quiet café blazing in those eyes. Sasako and Panda flinched away from him; only Shirokuma himself seemed unaffected by the outburst. As calmly as ever, the great bear replied, "Oh, Okuni probably has them. She's the one who dressed your wound."

"Where is she?" the warrior snapped.

Coolly, Shirokuma went over to one of the doors leading outside and pushed it open. "Okuni!" he called through it.

A moment later, a young woman appeared in the door. "You called, boss?" she inquired sweetly. Upon seeing her, Masamune's gaze sharpened, and he almost forgot his rage. Although about the same age as Sasako, Okuni seemed her opposite in every way. Where Sasako could be described as fair or pretty, Okuni was outright stunning and exotic; mature and confident instead of young and sweet. If Sasako's appeal lay in her purity and softness then Okuni was right at the other end of the spectrum, a deadly temptress, more than willing to use her looks to get her way.

Masamune returned her dazzling grin with a cold glare. "Bring me my weapons," he ordered.

Okuni crossed the wooden floorboards between them at a leisurely pace, completely unfazed by the warrior's anger. "I've been looking after them since you came here. I had to dress your wound, since I'm the only one with experience of that sort of thing. Well, I say _had _to - I certainly wouldn't mind doing it again," she added with a grin, and a wink so sly he almost missed it.

His eyes narrowed. "Bring me my weapons."

"As you wish," Okuni grinned. A tense silence settled over the room as she strode back out the door she had come from. No one dared breathe until she returned, a sheathed katana and two shining pistols in her arms. "Sorry," she breezed insincerely as she handed them back. "I couldn't resist admiring them for a little while. After all, it's not every day that the sword and guns of the great One-Eyed Dragon come into your possession."

Masamune frowned at her, his suspicion growing. "You know who I am."

"Of course I do. It's my business to know," Okuni responded, with a mysterious smile. "I've been hoping I could meet you for quite some time. Although I'm afraid to say that you're not quite as impressive in person as the legends had led me to believe."

"Is that so?" Masamune responded darkly.

"Seems that way," the girl shot back brightly. "Your armour and the rest of your clothes are on the table outside. They might be a bit damp, though."

"Damp?"

"They were filthy, so I thought I might as well give them a wash while I was doing the dishes."

"You what-?" Masamune exploded, but Okuni had turned her attention away already.

"Oh, that reminds me, boss - I've finished cleaning the outside tables, so I'm clocking out for today. Are we still on for tonight?"

"Of course," Shirokuma responded.

"Great, I'm looking forward to it." With everyone's eyes on her, she turned towards the exit, and her gaze fell on Sasako. "You must be Sasako," Okuni remarked, appraising her intently. "Well, I guess they never were going to find anyone as good as me to cover my shifts," she commented with disdain. Without giving the indignant Sasako a chance to respond she moved on again, looking for something else interesting enough to capture her attention for a little while. "Well, I'll be off for now. Goodbye, boss, Penguin, Panda - and Date Masamune." The stunning woman paused with one hand on the door, and tossed him a grin over her shoulder. "I was joking about the dishes, by the way. I know how to take care of armour. You can thank me later - I'm sure I'll see you around."

And with that, the whirlwind of a girl disappeared through the door, leaving Polar Bear's Café in a stunned silence.

Sasako was the first one to react, putting her hands on her hips in anger. "That girl!" she exclaimed indignantly. "Who does she think she is?"

"Does she really work here?" Masamune bemusedly inquired of Shirokuma. "She must scare all your customers away."

The others laughed at his response, the tension broken. "I won't," Sasako told him fiercely. "I'm going to be a better waitress than she is."

"Then how about you start by getting me some food? I can't even remember the last time I ate," Masamune retorted.

Sasako looked to Shirokuma, who nodded. "Why not get some practise? We'll be serving the lunch special tomato pasta tomorrow, so why don't you try making that for Masamune?"

"Wait- so I'm now the guinea pig?"

"Don't worry, Masamune-kun," Panda chipped in happily. "If you die, I'll make a lot of money by selling all your things, and then I will be able to laze around all day and never do any work."

"How is that supposed to reassure me?" Masamune demanded. Then he sighed, giving up. "Enough of this. I'm going to put my armour on."

* * *

With his sword back in its sheath, and the familiar weight of his famous pistols once more at his hips, Masamune felt a lot more like himself. True to her word, Okuni had cleaned the blood and dirt from his splendid armour. The damage dealt by the sword blow would need looking at by a blacksmith, but he would get that seen to when he was back at home. For now, he was once more his dangerous, warrior self, ready to pursue his quest to conquer the whole of Japan. He did not belong in this quaint little café - not when there was a whole world out there with his name on it. It was time for him to take his leave of this strange place, and stop wasting time here. He re-entered the café dressed for war, but even as he approached the counter to where Panda and Penguin had resumed their discussion, he got the opinion that even that wouldn't be quite enough to protect him. No, this odd world had to go.

"What about that zoo that Sasako mentioned?" Penguin prodded.

"It sounds like too much work."

"But it's two days a week!"

"Ah, I know! Masamune-kun, I'll come and work for you!"

Masamune froze. "Wait, what?"

"I'll be a samurai too!"

"No, I really don't think you will."

"But I'll work really hard!" Panda insisted.

"You won't get a rest. You'll be training seven days a week."

"Sure!" Panda chirruped, drawing a mocking snort from Penguin.

Masamune looked at him sceptically. "And I'm always involved in dangerous fights. I bet you've never left the safety of this town!"

"But I'd make a great warrior! I'm absolutely adorable!"

"That's not a quality we look for in samurai..."

"And I'm a master of martial arts!"

"Sure you are," Masamune snorted.

"I'll show you!" Panda declared, standing up and pushing his stool aside. Penguin covered his eyes and turned away with a groan.

This only drew another sigh from Masamune. "Sit down. You're only making yourself look foolish."

"I think you're jealous of my moves."

The exasperated warrior watched with arms folded as the panda took up something like a tai chi posture. Then, a movement behind the animal caught Masamune's attention. The double doors swung open and slowly, out of that door, with a steaming plate of tomato sauce-drenched pasta in her hand, came Sasako. With Shirokuma at her side she headed happily towards the group, oblivious to what was about to happen-

"Panda, stop!" Masamune yelled, his eyes flashing with a last desperate warning.

But Panda ignored him. "Spinning bamboo kick!" he crowed, twisting round and kicking out - striking, inevitably, the plate of lunch special and sending it spinning through the air to hit Masamune in the face.

For a split-second, silence and shock descended upon the café.

Then Masamune screamed, and the café exploded with his fury.

* * *

One of the blinds across the store room windows had been partially opened, allowing the faintest trickle of light to enter. In the presence of that light shadowy objects emerged where before there had been simply darkness; knowing that there was something there that you couldn't identify or explain was worse, in a way, than not being able to see at all.

When he had first awoken in the store room it had been a safe hospital for him, now it was nothing short of a prison. Had he have been prepared, he would easily have been able to overcome the polar bear in a fight. In the surprise and horror and fury of the café, though, the beast's overpowering strength had allowed him to drag the seasoned warrior away from the seating area and lock him in the store room before he had had a chance to harm anyone. Still, the result would not be the same next time. Prepared for battle with his sword in hand, he was unmatchable. He would have his revenge. No one - _no one_ - made a fool out of Date Masamune and lived to tell the tale.

The bear had placed a barrel of cold, clean water in the room with him and he stood with both hands clutching its rim, leaning over it. In the last of the daylight, he could just about make out his reflection. Short soaked black hair clung to his face, dripping trails of water down his cheeks and bare chest. Inhuman anger blazed in those dark brown eyes; hands clenched the rim of the barrel so tightly that his knuckles were ghostly white; the greatest warrior who had ever lived, locked in a store room washing pasta sauce from his face. A sneer twisted across that handsome face, scornful of himself; cursing those fools he had had the misfortune to meet.

Presently there came a knock at the door. He recognized Shirokuma's voice. "May I come in, Masamune?"

"Come in here and I'll kill you," Masamune snarled back.

There was the sound of a key turning in the lock. Then the door opened, and the polar bear, caring nothing for the warrior's threats, entered the room. "Things are going to be okay," he began calmly.

"Not for you."

Shirokuma ignored him again. "The sauce hasn't stained your armour. Sasako says it will be fine."

"No one makes a fool out of me," Masamune whispered coldly. He smacked the surface of the cold water with his fist, yelling, "No one, do you understand? I swear I'm going to burn this place to the ground!"

"That really won't be necessary," Shirokuma responded coolly. His nonchalant attitude just infuriated the warrior more.

"Have you any idea what you've done? Have you any idea who I am? There will be nothing left of this place when I am through with it!"

"It was just an accident, Masamune-kun. Panda didn't mean to spill the pasta all over you."

"He's a clumsy fool!" Masamune declared bitterly.

"Perhaps, but he has a good heart. It was an accident, and he is very apologetic."

"I don't want his apology, I want his head! If he were a servant-"

Shirokuma interrupted, "But he's not. We're all here because we want to be. My café is open to all - even warriors like you, Masamune-kun."

Masamune snarled, "I don't understand why anyone would choose to be here with these stupid fools."

"Perhaps not, but Penguin-san does. He's been in here almost every day since I opened this place. Don't you think that he and Panda are getting on remarkably well? He seems to have an almost endless patience. I think he's the kind of person you could do with having around - and he certainly could do with your support against Panda's silliness."

"I don't care."

"No, but other people do. Take Okuni, for instance. I've never seen her so interested in anyone before. I think she'd be very disappointed if you never came back."

"You think I want anything to do with that crazy lady? She can burn with-"

"Sure, she's a bit wild on the outside, I'll admit," Shirokuma continued amicably, ignoring Masamune's growing fury. "But deep down, she's gentle and caring. You know, she doesn't make any money from working here. Her salary goes straight to this temple of hers - it's like a charitable organization, which looks after children who have been orphaned by warfare and violence. No one was there to help her when her parents were murdered during a village raid. Yet, even though she had to survive on her own, she always put the other children who survived before herself. She used to earn money for the temple in far less savoury ways. She would do anything in order to feed the children in her care, although she was barely older than them herself. When I opened the café and hired her, she could finally put that awful life behind her. Still, when she's not here earning money for the temple, she's volunteering at the temple. If she's aggressive, it's only because that's how she's survived all these years."

"Do you honestly think I care about this?" Masamune snapped. "I'm a soldier: I've killed innocent people; I've burned whole villages to the ground! Why would I care about the sob story of-"

"And then there's Sasako," Shirokuma added.

"She's as big an idiot as that panda."

"She's the one who brought you here."

"_Sasako _was?"

"She probably saved your life."

"I didn't ask for her help!"

"She didn't need for you to ask. She saw you lying there and wanted nothing more than to help you. Most people would have run away or walked on or found someone else to deal with the situation, but not Sasako. She carried you to the café from the centre of the woods. And she didn't do it for your gratitude or your thanks. She did it because she's the kind of person who can't stand to see someone else suffering without doing something to help."

"I don't care! I don't care! I don't-" Masamune stopped himself with a scowl. He struck the still water in the barrel until he could no longer see his pathetic reflection staring back. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because I think you belong here."

Masamune laughed. "You don't know me at all."

"Maybe I don't; maybe I do." There was a pause. The great white bear shrugged in the darkness. "I brought your things in. You're free to leave if you want, although I'd rather you didn't set fire to the place on your way out." He turned to leave and then paused again, with one hand resting on the door frame. "Of course, you'd still be more than welcome to join us at the Cherry Blossom Viewing Party tonight. I think the others would be happy if you showed up."

"As if I'd want to see any of you incompetent fools ever again!"

A small smile crossed the polar bear's face. "Well, the offer is still there. If you change your mind, you know where we'll be."

* * *

Night fell, and the brilliant full moon found the seven of them sat atop the hill, marvelling down upon the silver-drenched town below them. Some of them had been visiting the café for a while; others had only just met that day. Some were friends, some barely knew each other, and some put up with each other only through sheer endless patience and concern. But that night, the beauty of the scene united Shirokuma, Panda, Penguin, Sasako, Okuni, Llama and Sloth, all brought together by the sharing of such a splendid sight.

A gentle breeze drifted through the branches of the sakura trees, blowing the silvery petals fondly back and forth whilst taking great care not to scatter any along the ground. The trees lined the path back down the hill like the most graceful of sentries, marking the path down to the sleeping town below. The man-made settlement was no less wonderful in the night; lanterns flickered like a hundred tiny stars, mirroring the celestial beauty of the heavens above. Moonlit Cherry Blossom Viewing Parties, they all agreed, were even better than those held during the day.

Of course, tt wasn't long before the peaceful silence was broken by Panda's complaint. "When do we eat?"

"We're here to view the blossoms, not eat," Penguin retorted crisply.

Panda rolled over onto his back, looking wistfully up at the sky. "I'm hungry."

"I packed snacks for everyone," Shirokuma volunteered. He didn't seem to notice Penguin's exasperated glance as he started unpacking boxes from his bag and laying them out on the picnic rug.

"Do you have any bamboo?" Panda inquired hopefully.

Sasako smiled. "Yes. We brought some just for you." Panda's eyes lit up in gratitude.

"Umm... excuse me!" Penguin interrupted.

Shirokuma blinked at him. "Oh, sorry, Penguin-san, did you want some raw fish? I brought some of that for you."

"No!"

"Do you want some grass instead?" Llama piped up. "It's delicious."

"No! Why can you all only ever think about eating? We should be doing things more fitting for a cherry blossom party, like karaoke!"

The others exchanged glances. "Anyone for a cupcake?" Okuni suggested lightly. "I made them myself!" This brought more cheers from the group, leaving Penguin to sigh.

"At least someone pass me the sake," he muttered.

"Oh, we don't have any," Shirokuma responded.

Okuni clarified, "Yeah, Masamune was supposed to be bringing that."

Penguin's heart sank. "This is going to be a long night..."

The conversation turned on to other matters, but somewhere along the way, Sasako found herself staring up at the velvet-black sky. So much had happened in one day - earlier this morning, she would have laughed at anyone who told her that that evening she would be attending a cherry blossom viewing with her new friends and work colleagues. She still hadn't quite come to terms with how quickly her life had turned on its head, worrying that she might wake up at any moment to find out that all the wonderful people she had met were simply figments of her dreaming mind. Yet, when she looked up at that vast, perfect sky, she couldn't help but feel a little lonely.

"I guess he never came back, in the end," she murmured.

Sasako had spoken rhetorically, but Okuni was sat close enough to hear, and the other girl couldn't help replying. "It bothers you, doesn't it?" she said, with a sly smile. "That he left, and it was your fault. It bothers you."

"Of course not!" Sasako retorted sharply. She scowled at the knowing look that Okuni shot her. "It's just... if it hadn't been for him, I would never have come to the café, and I would never have got this job. I just wanted to thank him, that's all."

"Sure it is," Okuni responded patronizingly, with gleeful eyes.

Sasako turned away, anger burning in her chest. Why was she so angry? She didn't know. She didn't trust herself to talk any more. Instead, she turned her attention back to the others.

"I'm going... to go to... the convenience store," Sloth was saying.

"We have plenty of food here, if you want something," Shirokuma told him.

"It's fine... I won't be long..."

Seizing the opportunity, Sasako sprang to her feet. "I'll go, Sloth."

"I can... do it..."

"No, don't worry about it. I can carry more than you. You want sake, right?" The sloth nodded in thanks. Sasako smiled. "I'll be right back!"

* * *

It was usual, at this time of night, for Masamune to be indoors. Sometimes there would be festivals held in the capital of his province Ōshū, sometimes feasts; sometimes he would be entertaining or intimidating diplomats and sometimes the spectacle would be simply to amuse him. At other times he would be in someone else's palace, trying not to be intimidated by the shows of superior might his rival generals displayed, refusing to let his tiny little kingdom be cowed by the size of the enemy's army. Some evenings he would find himself in the most secret areas of his home, discussing strategies with Kojuurou and his other most trusted advisers, and when the impatient and temperamental warlord was too restless for that, he would be found in the training arena, honing his already formidable skills. Rarely, when Masamune allowed himself a night off from ruling his land and fighting off invasions and plotting the next step in his slow and steady plan of country-wide conquest, he would eat a quiet meal with his most trusted friends and family and get what sleep he could.

When Masamune found himself outside at night, it was not to appreciate the beauty of his surroundings. Many a time had he been forced to make impromptu camp when a skirmish had dragged on too long, sleeping fitfully on the cold, damp ground and cursing all of nature. He had crawled through pitch-black ditches in the early hours of the morning to escape dangerous situations; lit up the night with deadly fire attacks; waged whole wars beneath the pale and passive stars. He was never outside for the sake of just being outside. No, he was not an outdoorsy kind of man.

Yet, as he looked up at the sky, and thought that he couldn't even remember the last time he had noticed the splendour of his surroundings, he knew that Sasako had been right about the moonlit cherry blossoms. He looked up to the hill where torchlight flickered and the sound of distant laughter seemed to originate, and almost - but not quite - smiled.

Today had changed him. He knew that for sure. The Masamune who had woken up that morning ready to take on anyone who came his way was not the same Masamune who stood with a large bottle of sake in his hand, looking up hesitantly at the Cherry Blossom Viewing Party on the hill. It was alarming how much had happened in such a short space of time - it was terrifying to think how deeply he had been affected by the people he had met; by the events that had taken place. He had been introduced to this strange alternate world that he had had no idea existed beyond his life of fighting and conquest: a world of friendships, of unbelievable occurrences, of just not worrying and taking life as it came with others at your side - others who might annoy you at times but were just impossible to leave alone. It was a bizarrely wonderful existence, wonderful because it was so carefree and bizarre because it was the complete antithesis to everything he had ever known.

And it just wasn't him. He heard the laughter coming from the hill and felt the sadness of realization settle over him. He was born to rule this land, a destined conqueror; he had known this ever since his young self had first picked up a pistol. That was who he was, and who he would always be. This friendliness, this casual attitude towards life, this intense focus on such a mundane existence - they were all weaknesses. They were distractions he didn't need. They would only hold him back. He didn't belong with the people of Polar Bear's Café. Even if they would somehow accept him for what he was, after what he had done - he would never fit in. He walked a different path.

His fingers grasped the bottle so tightly that he felt it crack in his hand. He looked down at it, blinked once in confusion, and then his face set in stony silent rage. He raised his arm, preparing to hurl it with all his formidable might at the closest tree-

"Date-san?"

Masamune had thought that he would never hear that voice again. For a moment his heart forgot to beat; his muscles froze in shock. A rush of emotions he could not even begin to untangle swept over him. It was too much: acceptance, relief, shock, happiness, friendship - and a thousand other things he didn't even have words for. Old feelings. New feelings. Feelings long buried, resurfacing. Empathy. A connection, formed.

Somehow, he managed to whisper the word, "Sasako?"

She stepped out from underneath the trees, and he had never been so happy to see someone in his life. Across the moonlit darkness, she asked, "Date-san? It's you, isn't it?"

And then, in that moment, he forgot all his indecision. Thankful for the shadows cast by the sparkling trees, he permitted himself to smile. "Call me Masamune. Everyone else seems to be doing it," he added, the slightest hint of humour creeping into his voice.

Even in the darkness, Sasako's broad grin lit up her whole face. "I'm so glad that you decided to come!"

He wasn't entirely sure how to reply to that. "It was a close one," he admitted slowly.

"How so?"

"I didn't know if I'd be accepted here. I didn't know if I could accept it myself."

"Masamune, you will always be welcome at Polar Bear's Cafe," she declared sincerely. "And I think that spending some time here will do you good."

"Or it could drive me insane."

"Or that." Sasako laughed. "Seriously, though. I feel like you belong here, just like I do. That's what drew you back."

Masamune's voice was little more than a whisper. "No, it's not." She frowned at him, but it was too late - he had already started speaking, and now he couldn't stop. "Sasako, I never - I never thanked you for bringing me to the café. You probably saved my life, and I'm grateful for that." There, he had said it; done something that the arrogant Masamune of yesterday would never have considered. There could be no more turning back.

Sasako blushed, and glanced down at the floor. "Don't worry about it. I know you would do the same for any of us."

"I'm really not that kind of man-"

"Yes, you are. I know you are, Masamune." The warrior blinked at her, surprised. She just gave him another beautiful smile. "Are you going to come and join us, then? We've got even more to celebrate tonight, now that you've come back and Panda has found a job."

"Someone _actually_ hired him?"

"He now works part-time at the zoo, although from what I've heard, this mostly involves lazing around and sleeping."

"Sounds perfect for him." Masamune caught himself grinning, and this time he did not try and stop himself. "He's pretty shameless, isn't he?"

The two of them gazed up at the shadowy figures dancing around on the very top of the hill. "Shall we go, then?" Sasako inquired. "I think Penguin will be needing some of that sake right about now."

They laughed together. "Very well," Masamune conceded, and the two of them began to walk side by side along the path.

Overhead, the silver-pink blossoms fluttered in the wind. The strong boughs that bore them aloft murmured knowingly as they swayed, ancient and wise. So far above, the stars shone in their peaceful contentment. Unnoticed, the night seemed to become even more spectacular in its serenity as the brave new world welcomed the warrior as one of its own - and looked forward, just as he did, to the days to come.

* * *

Panda: Penguin-san! Penguin-san!

Penguin: What is it, Panda-kun?

Panda: Tell me the one thing that you are most afraid of.

Penguin: Well, when I was younger, I was terrified of being eaten by a leopard seal. I haven't seen one of those since I moved here, though.

Panda: ...

Penguin: Panda-kun, are you asleep?

Panda: You're so dull, Penguin-san, I can't help dozing off when you talk.

Penguin: I'm not dull!

Panda: I think I would be most afraid of having no one to talk to but you, Penguin-san.

Penguin: Let's end this, Shirokuma-kun!

Shirokuma: Next time, Polar Bear's Cafe will be presented in lime green text.

Penguin: It will be black as usual!

Sasako: Enjoy!


	2. In the Night, the Dead of Night

**A/N: **_Chapter two is here! I struggled a bit with this one, partly because I lost my ability to write after completing a massive personal writing project in the month following my last exam, and partly because I haven't watched any episodes of Polar Bear's Café in a while (a result of picking up several awesome spring/summer anime series and spending too much time watching them). But here it is, undoubtedly the strangest thing I've ever written!_

_The title comes from the Avantasia song "Invoke the Machine". It has absolutely no relevance or anything; I just really like the song!_

_This chapter is pretty standard, but Chapter Three will introduce two more Polar Bear's Café characters (no prizes for guessing which ones) and an extra samurai. Anyway, as Sasako says, enjoy! ~CS_

* * *

**Mahalo!**

_by CrimsonStarbird_

**Chapter Two – In the Night, the Dead of Night**

As the ancient grandfather clock in the hall chimed midnight, a happy and grumpy Panda dragged his pillow along the ground, towards the entrance of his house. He was happy because the Yama Arashi concert on television which his mother had insisted on watching at maximum volume had finally finished, and it was now quiet enough inside his house to be able to sleep indoors. He was grumpy because of the simple fact that he had had to leave in order to get some rest in the first place. Although the others at the café often marvelled at his ability to sleep anywhere at any time, it was the indignity of not even being left to sleep in peace in his own house that bothered him - as if it wasn't bad enough that his mother disturbed all his perfectly-justified naps during the day with her constant vacuuming!

Panda trudged sullenly amongst the flowerbeds, wondering if anyone else in the town was forced to be awake at this time. But the town was silent, and aside from the soft flickering streetlamps, he couldn't see a single light on in any of the black windows.

Then, as he watched, one of the dark squares on the distant walls turned to yellow. Squinting, Panda could just about see a shadowy figure moving around inside. Who on earth would be up at this time? A frown crossed his face as he realized that he knew what that building was. But that just raised more questions: who was in Polar Bear's Café at that time of night?

Panda shrugged. Perhaps Shirokuma's mother was also a Yama Arashi fan, and he had gone to sleep in the café in order to get some peace and quiet. Ah well. He could ask Shirokuma tomorrow, and see if he could join him there next time that accursed idol group were on television. Thinking no more of it, Panda wandered inside his house and promptly fell asleep in the hallway, not even making it to his bedroom.

* * *

Noon, and the glorious midday sun shone down upon Date Masamune, legendary One-Eyed Dragon, fearsome Lord of Ōshū, soon-to-be ruler of the whole of Japan, as he kicked open the door of Polar Bear's Café and strode inside with all the confidence of a conqueror.

He didn't get far.

Barely had he taken two steps inside the front door before he found his way blocked by a folded parasol held out horizontally, smacking into his stomach with surprising force. His warrior instincts drowned by bemusement, Masamune's eyes trailed slowly along the parasol to the waitress who was holding it out to stop his progress. Okuni wasn't even looking at him, blocking his path ever so casually while continuing to pour tea for an elderly couple with her free hand. He folded his arms as she bowed to the customers, balanced the empty teapot and tray on her free arm with expert skill, and turned to the samurai, her face all innocent smiles.

Masamune narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm no expert, but I'm not so sure that assaulting your customers as they come through the door is a great way to encourage business."

Okuni beamed at him. "Didn't you see the sign?" she enquired sweetly.

"What sign?"

"The sign on the door informing all costumers that weapons are forbidden on these premises."

"Oh, that sign. Yes, I saw it."

"And?"

"It was stupid, so I ignored it."

The fiery waitress gave him another dazzling smile. "That _stupid _rule is the foundation upon which Polar Bear's Café is built. If you wish to enter, you must leave your swords and guns and any other armaments you're currently carrying in the box."

Masamune followed her gaze to an empty open-topped cylinder next to the entrance that looked as if it was meant to hold wet umbrellas. He blinked at it a few times before turning back to Okuni, even more bemused. "This is some kind of a joke, isn't it?"

"Nope," she grinned back.

"No one had a problem with me carrying my sword last time," he tried.

As coolly as ever, Okuni countered, "The café wasn't open last time. Now it is, and you're unnerving our customers."

Annoyed, Masamune glanced around. People were staring at the two of them, although they seemed more curious than worried. He could have sworn that one or two of them were laughing at him. "Well, now you're starting to get on my nerves," he growled, and got another fearless smile for his trouble. Okuni remained stubbornly in his way. Controlling his temper with an effort, he added, "It's an insult to our honour to demand that a samurai disarms."

"So it's your honour I'm questioning, is it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Since it can't possibly be the case that such a brave and mighty warrior as you would be scared to go anywhere without his weapons, can it?"

"Of course not!" Masamune yelled.

"Are you sure? Because if I didn't know you were so fearless a samurai, I'd have said that it looked like you were afraid to-"

"I'm not afraid!" he snapped. "I'm not scared of anything, least of all you and your stupid rules!" He glowered at her with enough barely-suppressed fury to make a hardened warrior quail, but Okuni merely raised her eyebrows at him. "Fine!" he scowled, turning and dropping his swords and guns into the cylinder. "Happy now?"

Okuni couldn't fight back a wide grin as she ruffled his deep brown hair affectionately. "Good boy."

Perhaps it was a good idea that he had deposited his weapons - he had forgotten just how infuriating the beautiful temptress-turned-waitress could be. With a gentle, chiming laugh she spun out of his reach. Masamune glanced around the café until customers stopped staring, cowed by the force of his gaze.

Across the room, his eyes fell on the slim, pretty figure of the café's other waitress, Sasako, and a bad day was suddenly greatly improved. Seeing him watching, she gave him a small wave, and was about to come over to greet him when a patron called out for her attention. She turned to get on with her job with a shrug, so Masamune headed instead for the counter where Penguin and Panda sat as usual, having an intense conversation about something.

Panda turned to him as he approached. "Ooh, maybe Masamune-kun can help clear this up!"

"There's nothing _to_ clear up," Penguin muttered.

The warrior glanced between the two of them with a frown. "What's going on?"

"We were talking about what we're afraid of-" Penguin began, before Panda interrupted him cheerily.

"Masamune-kun," he sang, "Don't you think that Penguin-san's voice is terrifying?"

Masamune gave a shrug, adapting to the odd topic change with surprising comfort. "He's not really terrifying, just dull."

"But boredom can be terrifying, and it's easy to be bored when listening to Penguin-san-"

"I am right here, you know," Penguin cut in icily.

"Oh, so you are," Panda remarked, with his typical genuine innocence. "You're very forgettable. Maybe it's because you're dull."

"I don't even know why I bother..." Penguin sighed. Turning to Masamune instead, he inquired dryly, "So, not counting myself, what are you most afraid of, Masamune?"

"Me? I'm not afraid of anything!"

There came a snort from behind him. He wheeled around to see Okuni passing by with a tray of cakes in her hand, struggling to suppress a grin. "Did you say something?" Masamune challenged.

"Who, me? Of course not!" she lightly retorted, ignoring the warrior's glare as she carried on to serve another table.

Giving up, he sat down on the stool next to Penguin. "I've fought whole armies and won," he muttered to no one in particular. "I don't care what she says."

As Penguin and Panda resumed their conversation, Masamune leaned back against the counter and surveyed the interior of the café. Almost every table was occupied, and the warm spring sunlight streaming in through the multitude of windows, as well as the lively chatter of the patrons, had transformed the calm and empty café he had awoken in on his first visit into a bustling place of business and relaxation. The atmosphere was innocent and friendly enough for him to feel at ease even without the familiar weight of his sword at his hip. It was such a wonderful contrast to his hectic life back home, where everyone seemed constantly on edge waiting for the inevitable invasion or planning and training for their own conquest. The life of war was one that he had chosen and one that he wouldn't give up for anything, but he still felt that he had made a good decision in returning to the café. Here, he could forget all the stresses of running a province at war just for a little while, and not have to keep watching his back for assassins.

Glancing round the room, his gaze lingered for a little too long on the slim figure of the café's new waitress, Sasako. She had started on the same day that she had probably saved his life after he was ambushed in the woods - although he would never admit his debt to her out loud. Compared to Okuni, her inexperience as a waitress was obvious, but the homely and welcoming manner that she extended to everyone had already endeared her to many of the patrons. He thought he could sense the rivalry between the two young women every time they passed each other, but the café was so busy that they didn't get the chance to say a word to each other as they dashed about taking orders.

Sasako turned suddenly and caught him watching her. She gave him a smile that was friendly where Okuni's was dangerous. More embarrassed than he should have been, he turned his back to the room and addressed the great polar bear, owner of the café, instead. "Morning, Shirokuma."

"Welcome back, Masamune," the polar bear greeted. "What can I get for you?"

"A café mocha would be fine." Nodding, Shirokuma began to rummage behind the counter.

A new voice caught his attention. "Masamune-san! Good morning!"

"Hello, Sasako," the samurai responded, turning his head to see the young waitress approach.

"It's so good to see you here! How are you feeling?"

She was referring to the wound he had taken in the forest, the first time they met. He hadn't told anyone exactly what had happened on that day, and she was too polite to pry, but her concern was touching. "I'm much better, thanks," he offered.

Sasako closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm glad. Sorry I've only just come over - it's just so busy today!"

"Is it always like this?"

A frown creased her face. "No, it's been fine over the past couple of days. Shirokuma-san said it's because of the artistic baking competition this weekend."

"Artistic baking competition?" Masamune repeated, half curious and half exasperated.

"The café holds it at this time every year." Penguin joined in the conversation. "People come in order to try out the new styles of cakes that they experiment with here. However..."

"However?" Masamune prompted.

They were both interrupted by Shirokuma, who placed a dish on the counter in front of Masamune and cried "Ta-da!" with just a little too much enthusiasm. All three of them leaned in to get a closer look.

Masamune blinked down at the plate. "I know I'm new here," he began, baffled, "But I'm pretty sure this isn't what I ordered."

On the plate, looking up at them with eerily-lifelike jelly eyes, was a large crab made entirely of choux pastry. Whipped cream leaked out of one of its legs as it stood on a sandy bed of scattered golden sugar and the chocolate sauce shadows of waves. Above, Shirokuma looked down at them all with innocent 'who, _me_?' eyes.

"However, _this_," Penguin finished.

From behind them came an exasperated sigh. "Oh please, not this again." Okuni strolled into view, hands on hips. "You know, I really thought you were going to take the competition seriously this year."

"What on earth is going on? Why is Shirokuma making sea creatures out of pastry?" Masamune demanded. Just a few days ago, he had thought that nothing in this strange café would be able to surprise him again, and now he was more convinced than ever that he would never understand this crazy place.

"He does this every year for the stupid competition," Okuni declared crossly, ignoring the bear's mock hurt expression. "I have to judge it, and every time I pray for some normal entries, but Shirokuma always does this and everyone copies him. I have to pick the least-weird pastry construction out of all manner of creepy realistic animals."

"This is for a baking competition?" Masamune asked, eyeing the pastry crab as if it might come to life at any moment.

"The rules are pretty broad - any sweet dish can be entered, really. It's probably my fault for not changing them," Okuni suggested.

Sticking up for Shirokuma, Sasako butted in, "I think it looks really tasty."

"Perhaps, but it also looks creepy," Penguin commented. "Would you really want to eat that, Sasako-san?"

As Sasako shied away, Masamune said, almost to himself, "A baking competition? I'd better not tell Kojuurou about this, or he'll get completely the wrong idea."

"Who's Kojuurou?" Sasako inquired, thankful for the change of subject.

"My second-in command. Although, you'd be forgiven for thinking he's my mother, the way he sometimes acts. Speaking of which, I'd better go before he starts wondering where I am." He stretched leisurely, and the others backed away so that he could stand. "Good luck with the pastry seafood range, Shirokuma," he offered, not quite over his bemusement.

"Don't forget your weapons on the way out!" Okuni grinned.

Masamune paused only to throw a parting glare at Okuni before leaving the café and its weirdness behind for another day.

* * *

It was raining by the time Masamune reached his home in Ōshū. He had pulled the hood of his nondescript travelling cloak over his head, thankful not for the first time that he had chosen to leave his legendary horned helmet behind. Not only did it make using the hood much easier, but it also made him much less likely to be recognized while travelling through a village inhabited by his most loyal vassals. He had left his elaborate green and gold cloak bearing his ferocious emblem, the roaring dragon, behind too, for the sake of inconspicuousness. Of course, there was no concealing the tell-tale eyepatch covering his right eye, and he refused to go anywhere without his distinctive armour, sword, and guns, but between his dull travelling cloak and the newly-overcast sky, he felt that he was doing a pretty good job of not being spotted.

However, there was one person that wouldn't have been fooled even if he had arrived back at base in a full clown costume, face paint and all, and it was this person who called out from behind him with a voice that was more familiar to Masamune than his own.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Masamune stopped in his tracks, spinning round as suddenly as if he had been challenged to single combat. He pushed his hood back with a flick that only he could make seem arrogant, and folded his arms. The amused, fiery grin on his face would have rivalled Okuni's. "Shouldn't that be, 'where the hell have you been, _my lord_'?"

Kojuurou was also the only person on the planet - maybe excluding that devil of a waitress - who was neither intimidated nor impressed by Masamune, and he did not flinch before his lord's mocking glare. "This is hardly a time for games, _my lord_," he retorted, with enough icy sarcasm in those last two words to cause Masamune's eyes to narrow with a flash of real anger. "You can't keep disappearing off like this without telling anyone where you're going!"

"It's no business of yours where I go or what I do," the young lord snapped back.

"Of course it is! It's the business of everyone here!" Kojuurou swept an arm around to indicate the street they were stood in, which had emptied at the first sign of confrontation between the two. "The people need to know that their lord is ready to defend them at any moment and has their best interests at heart!" As Masamune turned his head with a snort, the loyal strategist shook his head. "Couldn't you at least have told someone where you were? There's been chaos here this morning; I've had patrols all over Ōshū looking for you!"

"Kojuurou!" Masamune barked, furious. "Do you dare to suggest that I can't look after myself?"

"Well, _my lord_, with the Demon King himself on the rampage, and that lawless ninja master Fūma Kotarō causing chaos, and especially given what happened to you in the woods the last time you thought you would go and face your enemies alone - yes, I think that's exactly what I'm suggesting!"

Masamune hissed, "You forget your place, Kojuurou." And with that, he turned and began to stride off towards his palace through the grey drizzle of rain. He called back, voice deadly, "It is no business of yours where I go. It's not as if we're in the middle of a war effort. You need to stop acting like my mother before-"

Kojuurou's gloved hand clapped down on his shoulder, and the young lord forced his right hand away from his sword with a visible effort. Before he could shout his outrage, Kojuurou's voice was a low whisper in his ear, quiet enough so that any curious onlookers wouldn't overhear. "Not two hours ago, Oda Nobunaga led his army into Lord Uesugi Kenshin's territory."

"You're not serious?" Masamune demanded.

The older man fixed him with a sharp glare. "Think of me what you will, my lord, but never question my loyalty."

No - Masamune believed his most trusted subordinate; had known he was right all along. Taking a deep, calming breath, he began to walk, and the other fell into step beside him. "What's the situation?"

"This is the catalyst - the spark the whole country has been waiting for. This is the start of all-out war."

"I'm not so sure," the young lord frowned, his dark eyes roving over the grey horizon.

"Regardless, the others are choosing their sides, and we need to do so as well. Hell, we needed to do so two hours ago. Lords Takeda and Tokugawa have already moved in Lord Uesugi's defence. Do you understand why I needed you here, _my lord_?" Kojuurou added dryly. A growl was all he got in response, and he knew that his lord agreed. "Can you promise me that you won't disappear over the next couple of days, until we know what's going on?"

Masamune scowled, but at heart he was and would always be a warlord first. "Fine. Until this has blown over. But Kojuurou - stop doing this. Stop acting like you think you're my mother. I can take care of myself."

"I know, my lord," he quietly acceded. "But sometimes it's difficult, when you act like this. I'm supposed to protect you, and you don't make it easy."

"Conquering the world was never going to be easy," Masamune told him with a rueful grin, and Kojuurou snorted. Neither of them said anything more as they strode towards the young lord's palace, their companionship restored.

It wasn't the end of the world not to visit the curious café for a day or two. After all, Masamune was a warrior, and as much as he might have enjoyed dabbling in that confusing life, the war was calling him home.

* * *

"Aww, Masamune-kun didn't show up today," Panda moaned.

"He probably has better things to do than listen to you," Penguin commented sagely.

"Does that mean that _you_ don't have better things to do?"

"That's not what I said!" Diplomatically changing the subject, Penguin added, "Sasako's not here either today."

Shirokuma explained, "It's her day off. Although he couldn't possibly have known that, unless…" A spark of delight entered his black eyes, as always when he told one of his far-fetched stories. "Once there lived a beautiful princess that all the brave men in the land wished to marry. But her father the Emperor wouldn't let her leave the palace, for fear that one of them might steal her away from him. One day, the princess ran away from the palace and took on the persona of an ordinary girl from the village, and lived in secret on her own. Then, as she was walking to the best café in all of Japan, she encountered an unconscious young samurai in the woods-"

"Just let me stop you there," Penguin interrupted dryly. "There'll be a perfectly good explanation for this that doesn't involve one of your ridiculous stories." The polar bear pulled a sad face as he went back to fulfilling his customer's orders, prompting an exasperated sigh from Penguin, who turned back to Panda. "So what is it you wanted to ask Masamune?"

"Huh?" Panda looked up from his large plate of bamboo, his short attention span having got the better of him. Then he blinked, and his eyes lit up. "Ooh, I wanted him to do something for me!"

"Of course," muttered Penguin. He knew he probably shouldn't get involved, but he couldn't help asking, "What is it that he can do that I can't?"

"Ah, Penguin-san, you're scared of a lot of things-"

"No I'm not! Where did you get that from?"

Panda thought for a moment, and pushed on anyway. "For the past couple of nights there's been a light on in Polar Bear's Café, even though it's the middle of the night. I'm going to go and investigate!"

Unimpressed, Penguin remarked, "Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"

"Of course not! Why would you say that?"

"I just find it hard to believe that you weren't asleep at midnight, given how sleeping is the only thing you're good at."

"Penguin-san, you're mean! I'm good at plenty of things, like being cute-"

"Shirokuma, have you been in the café at night?" Penguin called out to interrupt Panda. The polar bear blinked innocently and shook his head. "See-"

"I'm going to investigate! Since Masamune isn't here, you'll have to come with me, Penguin-san!"

"Wait, how did I get dragged into this?"

"So we'll meet outside the café at midnight!"

And before Penguin could protest, the discussion was over. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the china cup in front of him, staring at what remained of the chocolaty froth. Knowing Panda, he had probably imagined the whole thing. Still, if something strange was going on in the café at night that Shirokuma didn't know about, it might be worth investigating - and somehow Panda always dragged him into things like this. He wasn't even sure how he managed it.

"Another café mocha please, Shirokuma-kun," he mused, and then he caught himself just in time. "And it'd better be a coffee this time, not more pastry seafood."

* * *

As a general rule, Masamune disliked ninjas. Although he was definitely not above using slightly-underhanded tactics on the battlefield - he was the ruler of a small province, after all, and though he knew he was more than a match for the other feudal lords in strategy and ambition, he had to work hard to keep his own army from being crushed by the enemy's overwhelming numbers - but he drew the line at ninjas, especially ninja assassins. Masamune was the kind of man who liked to fight his enemies face-to-face, and led every military force out of his lands in person. Stealth and espionage were dishonourable, and besides, he had more than enough faith in his own ability to lead men and win victory in battle.

Of course, the downside of this was that the warrior Masamune had no experience whatsoever in being stealthy, and that made sneaking out on Kojuurou's watch a rather difficult task.

With his most trusted advisors, Masamune had spent the best part of two days deciding on their response to Oda Nobunaga's act of war. He had good instincts for this kind of thing - the reason why the One-Eyed Dragon was a formidable force in this chaotic land - but the others had taken some convincing that it would all come to nothing, especially Kojuurou. All-out war had been brewing for several years, and it was all too easy to jump at the slightest provocation. His instincts told him that Nobunaga wasn't ready to launch his takeover bid yet, and was merely testing the waters, although there was something to be said for erring on the side of caution. Thus the debates continued, endlessly progressing in a circle while they awaited news from Echigo.

True to his word, Masamune hadn't attempted to go to the café the day after Kojuurou had been angry with him. However, he was a man of action, and so much sitting around and talking without getting anywhere was getting on his nerves. Not that much more than that ever happened at the café, but at least he got to drink surprisingly-tasty coffee - and, of course, Sasako was there. So, the following day, while the others were occupied making logistical preparations for his army to march, he had made the decision to pay the café a quick visit and be back before Kojuurou even noticed he was gone.

And that was why he was creeping along the path with his hood drawn up to cover his face, despite the warm spring sunshine, constantly checking over his shoulder to make sure that no one was following him.

And that was why, when a curious voice called out, "What on earth are you doing?", he jumped a mile and had his sword in his hand before he could even recognize the speaker.

A hand, slim and feminine and definitely not belonging to Kojuurou, pushed the magnificent blade aside without fear. "A bit on edge today, are we?" Okuni asked, her voice as light and charming as ever.

Masamune scowled at her. She was wearing a bright pink and orange dress that was slightly too revealing for any decent woman to wear to work, along with heels that made her almost as tall as him, with her trusty parasol swinging by her side. This whole ensemble demanded only one question - how on earth hadn't he seen her coming? "What the hell are you? Some kind of ninja demon?" he demanded.

She grinned at him as he re-sheathed his sword. "I think the real question here is why the proud and noble warlord of Ōshū is wandering round the streets in disguise in this time of crisis, don't you?"

With a sigh, Masamune inquired, "How did you know it was me?"

"You have a rather distinctive face, not to mention your weaponry, One-Eyed Dragon. Now answer my question."

"It's a long story," he tried.

"I have time. You're going to Polar Bear's Café, right? So am I, so we'll walk there together."

"I thought you weren't working today?"

"It's _supposed_ to be one of my days off, but Sasako called in this morning at the last minute, requesting a day of leave. The café's so busy with the artistic baking competition tomorrow that Shirokuma can't do without both of us, so he called me in."

"Oh," Masamune said bleakly.

Okuni raised one perfectly-trimmed eyebrow at him. "You know, most men would give anything for the chance to escort me to the café."

"Only because they haven't met you," he growled in response.

She gave a laugh that sounded surprisingly genuine. "Of course. Now, are you coming or not, oh brave warrior?"

It was either accompany her to the café, or go home - admitting defeat to both her and Kojuurou. So he walked with her, and found that she had been right - men he passed looked enviously at him for being with Okuni. It was a new experience for him, having people jealous of him and not because of his reputation as a warrior and a conquering hero, but Okuni was used to this and she took in it her stride. On another day it might have annoyed him, but with any luck, people would be too distracted by Okuni's looks to recognize him, and Kojuurou wouldn't hear about it. And even though he vowed to get rid of her as soon as possible, he found that she could be useful as well as mocking, especially when she led him straight past the queue stretching out the door of the café and round the back to the staff entrance.

The café was indeed busy, but it somehow retained its homely feeling. Okuni disappeared into the back to get changed for work - which generally involved re-applying her makeup, since she complained that the boring black and white waitress uniform that Sasako wore to work ruined her image - and Masamune found his way to the counter where the regulars always sat.

"Good morning, Masamune-kun," Shirokuma greeted. "What can I get you?"

"Morning. I'll have iced tea today."

Shirokuma turned away, but not quickly enough to be able to pretend that he missed Masamune's glare as he reached for the whipped cream. With a depressed sigh, he abandoned trying to give the warrior another experimental dessert and made the drink instead.

A groan from beside him caught Masamune's attention. Panda had his head on the table, staring straight at his bowl of bamboo shoots as if he wasn't even seeing it. For Panda not to be eating when he had bamboo in front of him was unusual enough, let alone when he wasn't even asleep.

Frowning, Masamune wondered aloud, "What's wrong with Panda?"

"I have to work tomorrow," Panda moaned.

There was silence. Masamune blinked. He had automatically been expecting Penguin's scathing reply about Panda's laziness, and the silence was alarming. He opened his mouth and closed it again, instead looking around for Penguin. Sure enough, he wasn't there. "Penguin-san's not here?" he asked, and when no one contradicted him, his frown deepened. "Anyone know where he is? No? Hmm… so Penguin disappears on the same day that Sasako-san doesn't turn up for work? Intriguing."

Shirokuma returned with Masamune's iced tea and joined in the conversation. "Say, Panda-kun, didn't you meet up with him last night?"

"Uhh…" The warrior and the polar bear both stared at Panda. He raised his head and blinked at both of them adorably. "Umm…"

"Let me guess," Shirokuma sighed, putting one great white paw to his head. "You fell asleep and forget to go."

"Uh," Panda mumbled, putting on his cutest, most innocent face.

"What's all this about?" Masamune demanded. However, at that moment Shirokuma was called away by a customer, and he was forced despite his great reluctance to turn to the panda for his answers.

"So for the past couple of nights there's been a light on in this café in the dead of night," Panda explained hurriedly, cowed into seriousness by the force of the warrior's glare. "Shirokuma-kun doesn't know anything about it so Penguin-san and I were supposed to go and investigate but-"

Impatience got the better of him. "But you didn't show up and now he's disappeared?"

Panda gave an emphatic nod. "So you'll come with me to the café tonight to try and find out what happened to him!" It wasn't a question.

"What?" Masamune demanded, caught off-guard.

"Great! So it's settled."

"Hang on-" the warrior tried, but Panda was oblivious to all of it. So instead, he asked of the ice cubes floating around in his tea, "How do I keep getting dragged into things like this?"

* * *

In the night, the dead of night, while the town lay asleep, Masamune sat outside with his back to the wall of his house, gazing up at the stars that were gazing down at him. A soft wind blew through his hair, mimicking his sigh. It was late enough for everyone around to be asleep, with the exception of his sentries. There were twice as many as usual due to the turmoil in Echigo, but Masamune took a keen interest in their schedule and organization - seemingly random, their lord alone could predict the patterns of their movements.

Reluctantly, he pushed himself to his feet and stretched. He pulled his sword from where it had been stood, tip buried in the dirt, and looked out across his land, a dark silhouette surveying the small kingdom under his protection. A wry smile crossed his face. They wouldn't miss him, just for one night. Besides, there was a chance that there was something dark and mysterious going on at Polar Bear's Café, that Penguin had fallen victim too. If that was the case, then regardless of whether or not the café was in his domain, it was his duty as a warrior to see to it that the danger be averted. He almost hoped there would be someone to fight. Bandits or thieves were no match for him.

Masamune stepped out into the night and began to make his way down towards the café. He almost made it.

But the gods of stealth weren't smiling on him - were they ever? - and he wasn't quite beyond the border when a voice called out, "Sneaking out again, are we?"

Who else? It seemed that Kojuurou kept a closer watch on him in the early hours of the morning than he did in the middle of the day. Masamune sighed, fingers brushing the hilt of the sword at his side. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Kojuurou scowled, not missing the irony of his lord's light statement. "How can you keep doing this? Especially after I told you that you can't keep disappearing-"

"Oh, so you're giving the orders now, are you?"

"Can you not see the foolishness-?"

"Yeah, but the thing is, I made a promise - well, I never really agreed in the first place - well, I sort of got roped into this against my will - but all that is irrelevant! I don't go back on my word. I'm expected to be there tonight, and so I will be."

"You're expected to be here."

"It's not really the same."

Kojuurou's shadowy form moved in between his lord and the path ahead. In response, Masamune shook his hair back with a sigh and rested his hand openly on his sword. Still, Kojuurou's next words caught him by surprise. "Is it a young woman you're meeting?"

A sudden image of Panda asleep with his face in a bowl of bamboo popped into Masamune's head and he couldn't help laughing. "Oh, I wish!" he snorted, unable to contain his laughter.

Kojuurou didn't know what to make of this. "…Because if it is," he tried uncertainly, "There's no need to keep it a secret - no, you _can't_ keep it a secret-"

"Oh, Kojuurou," Masamune interrupted, dangerous mirth lighting up his eye. "You know that when I take a bride, it will be for the good of Ōshū - you've made sure of it!" But now the conversation had become more serious, and his expression darkened. "And what did I tell you about trying to order me around-?"

"I can't let you keep doing this, Masamune-sama," Kojuurou growled. "I am loyal to this land even if you are not, and I will make sure Ōshū gets its leader back!"

Although his voice was light, the sword was in Masamune's hand now. "Are you going to challenge me for leadership, Kojuurou?"

"Of course not!" Kojuurou growled, but his fingers twitched on the hilt of his sword. "But I _will_ make you see your duty to this land, as your responsibility as the leader of Ōshū."

But despite his threat, he did not draw his sword. Masamune smiled. "Go on. Do it," he goaded. To draw against one's master was a crime punishable by death, and both of them knew it.

"Don't think that I won't!" Kojuurou threatened. "You're being an irresponsible leader, and so it's my duty to-"

At that, Masamune made his move. Without warning he flew at Kojuurou, lightning-fast, and the samurai was so taken aback to see his lord charging at him that all his instincts deserted him. In an instant Masamune was at his side, smashing the hilt of his sword into the side of his head. Kojuurou fell without a sound.

Letting out the breath he had been holding, Masamune returned his sword to its sheath. "I'm sorry, Kojuurou," he murmured. "But did you really think I was going to let you do that?"

With that, Masamune resumed his journey down to the café. He would pay for that little encounter in the morning, he was sure, but he had an appointment to make. "After all this, I am going to kill that panda if he doesn't turn up."

* * *

To his - or maybe to Panda's - good fortune, the adorable bear was already there when he arrived. Shadows clung to everything, giving day-to-day noises eerie undertones and the creatures of the night fangs of darkness. If the moon watched over them it gave no sign, a dark orb refusing to cast any illumination into the night. Panda was hovering just outside the feeble circle of golden light thrown down by the streetlight, and with the shadows all around, even his dark, round form could appear terrifying.

Masamune hurried over. Even with his trusty sword at his side, he didn't want to be out here alone for much longer than he had to be. "What are we doing here?" he hissed, by way of greeting.

Gesturing for him to follow, Panda backed away, following the wall round to the back of café. It was brighter here than it had been round at the front, and it took him a while to figure out why. There was a light on in one of the café's windows. Masamune frowned as he tried to work out which room that was, though he wasn't familiar enough with the building. It wasn't the main dining area though, or the store room he had been in, so could it be - the kitchen?

"Come on, come on!"

Startled, Masamune glanced around to see Panda wriggling through an open window. There came a growing feeling of dread - this was not the kind of job he was good at. Give him an enemy general on the battlefield any day. Preferably in bright sunlight. Stifling a groan, he clambered up after Panda. Fortunately, it wasn't difficult to climb through the window - although, if Panda could do it, surely anyone could.

The unlikely team found themselves in the café's main seating area. The chairs and tables were laid out exactly as Okuni had left them, waiting for the morning's diners - or perhaps a midnight party of spectres. Without customers chatting, Panda complaining, Shirokuma operating the coffee machines, and the girls racing around with their usual enthusiasm to do a job which would have kept four waitresses on their feet, the silvery-grey scene spread before them was gloomy and cheerless. For reasons he couldn't quite put his finger on, Masamune gripped the hilt of his sword tighter, giving the box where he had to place his weapons a spiteful glare.

There was a quiet click, ringing out like the clashing of a bell in the silence. Both of them tensed, waiting for the inevitable, but nothing changed. No secret traps were triggered; no intruder-revealing lights flared to life. In fact, glancing over his shoulder, the warrior noticed that the glow on the ground from the lit window had disappeared. So someone else was here. What were they up to? Was it Shirokuma playing games? Although he wouldn't have put it past the polar bear, kidnapping Penguin was a different matter entirely. It was most likely an intruder.

As he was about to indicate to Panda to be careful, the bear, fearless in his naivety, called Masamune over from the other side of the room. In the stillness, he might as well have yelled. Angrily gesturing for him to be quiet, the warrior ran over as quietly as he could, glad he had left his armour and guns behind. "Quiet! There's someone else here!" he informed Panda, in as loud as whisper as he dared.

Panda nodded with wide eyes. "I heard something coming from the kitchen."

They stopped outside the double swinging doors that led to the kitchen. "I'll go first," the warrior said. He only wished he could be as fearless as he sounded.

For a moment they stood there, the warlord and the panda bear on opposite sides of the double doors in the darkness of the room, and Polar Bear's Café outdid itself once more in its apparent mission to make Masamune's life as bizarre as possible. Then he kicked open the door and the two of them burst into the kitchens.

The light was off, the room was dark, but the metal appliances gave the whole area an unearthly silver glow. At first glance, the room was empty. Masamune stepped forward cautiously, certain that there had to be someone there.

A pressure on his arm made him jump. Angrily he wheeled around, ready to shout at Panda for startling him, but the look on his companion's face gave him pause. Panda was staring into a shadow-shrouded corner, horror in his eyes. It took a lot to render Panda speechless. Masamune followed his gaze, struggling to pick out a shape in the darkness, and then before his eyes the shadow seemed to solidify into… into _something…_

Something with bony arms ending in claws as long as knives.

Something as tall as a man with pointed fangs at just the right height to crunch around a soft neck.

Something that had eyes which glinted blood-red in the night.

Something which was definitely not Shirokuma or Penguin or Sasako, but could feasibly have eaten any of them.

And it was a good job that Okuni wasn't watching, because not being able to live this moment down was the least of their concerns as Masamune and Panda screamed, turned, and ran for the doors.

And before they even reached them, Panda tripped on a stray wire and tumbled into Masamune, and they both fell against the doors - which, like in all bad horror movies, refused to open.

And then they were fighting against each other and their shared fear, scrabbling to get to their feet and find some sort of a weapon before razor-sharp black death sank its fangs or claws or spines or whatever other life-ending things such a monster possessed into them-

And neither of them were expecting the gunshot.

The sound was so sudden that time seemed to stop. When enough stunned moments had sidled by for Masamune to be certain he wasn't dying, he dragged himself to his feet, trying to make some sense of the whirling shadows that refused to take on any recognizable shape.

There was another gunshot, and another. Each one caused an explosion of black dust from the shadowy monster's side until it fell, breaking apart into pieces on the ground.

"…What?" Masamune breathed.

"Masamune-sama!"

Well, that was the last voice he had expected to hear. "Kojuurou?" Masamune demanded, glancing around. As his eyes adjusted to the faint starlight once more, he saw a figure standing by one of the other entrances to the kitchen. The shadow of a man had one arm outstretched, holding in his hand one smoldering pistol - one of Masamune's own, he noticed with detached interest.

"Are you alright, my lord?" Kojuurou returned.

"What are you doing here?"

"I followed you."

"Clearly I didn't hit you hard enough."

Kojuurou tactfully ignored this. "I thought you were in danger, and it turns out I was right. What is this place, and what on earth was that thing?"

"This is a café," Masamune told him airily, gesturing round at the kitchen. "And I have no idea what that was."

With the pistol held out in front of him, Kojuurou advanced on the darkness in the corner. "Stay back, my lord. I've got this one." Cautious, Masamune did so - but the same could not be said for Panda. Fear apparently forgotten, he bounded past the two men. When nothing jumped up at him, the other two edged forwards.

Masamune felt a growing dread as he regarded the dark mess on the floor. Could it be…? "Oh no…"

The bafflement replacing the caution in Kojuurou's voice was almost comical. "What on earth is that?"

It was Panda who answered. "It's cake," he stated matter-of-factly, sniffing a fallen chunk experimentally.

"W-w-what?"

"It's Shirokuma's cake," Masamune explained tiredly to Kojuurou. "He must have been coming here at night to work on a secret entry for the stupid baking competition."

"…You mean-?"

"That you just rushed here to save me from a demon-shaped cake? Yeah, sounds about right."

"Umm…"

"So we've solved the mystery!" Panda cheered.

The two warriors and the panda stared down at the sorry remnants of what had once been a scarily-realistic cake. "Oops…" murmured Kojuurou.

And then, just to make things worse, the sound of a light switch being flipped on in the adjacent room snapped through the darkness. Through the porthole in the door they saw a silhouette slowly getting closer. Then the fear began to return.

"Panda-kun, I think we need to leave…" Masamune murmured.

Panda nodded emphatically.

Kojuurou tried, "But Masamune-sama-"

"You've got this one, right, Kojuurou?" Masamune asked, the beginnings of a grin appearing on his face.

The samurai's eyes widened. "Masamune-sama-!"

"Come on, Panda!" he yelled, and the two of them ran for it.

They tore down the dark streets, laughing from the bizarreness of the whole situation and their lucky escape, as poor Kojuurou, fingers locked round the incriminating pistol, looked up at the great and angry bear coming through the doors and swallowed.

* * *

For Masamune, that should have been the end of it.

Yet somehow, as the morning sun drove him from his bed, there were two things that continued to bug him. The first was that Kojuurou never returned that night, and no one had heard from him. For all he was certain that Shirokuma was far too nice to do anything to seriously punish Kojuurou, there was always that slight bit of doubt. Some part of him began to understand why his second-in-command got so worried when he went down to the café without warning.

The second was that he actually felt guilty about destroying Shirokuma's demon-cake. Sure, he wasn't the one who had actually damaged it, but if he hadn't been there then Kojuurou wouldn't have been either, and he was only trying to protect his lord, after all. It was so unusual for the conquering warlord to feel guilty about anything, especially something so small, that for a while he told himself that he shouldn't back to that strange café because he was messing with his head.

Still, it wasn't long before his conscience got the better of him, and thus Masamune found himself once more outside Polar Bear's Café.

He was outside and not inside the café because of the long queue of animals and humans alike that stretched out of the doors, underneath the banner proudly declaring "Artistic Baking Competition Today!". He was rapping his fingers against the hilt of his sword when a hand wrapped around his arm and pulled him out of the queue.

"The mighty warlord, standing in line with the rest of the common folk?" its owner teased, but there was a friendly light in her eyes.

"Morning, Okuni. Are you here to judge the baking competition?"

"Yeah, and to wait on tables again, since no one's heard from Sasako yet." She scowled. "Well, it'll be fun to see what creepily-realistic animal Shirokuma has re-created in pastry this year…" she added, without much enthusiasm.

"About that…" Masamune started to reply, before suddenly realizing that this woman was the last person he wanted to know what happened last night.

"What?" She gave him a curious look, but he just shook his head. Shrugging, she pulled him in the direction of the staff entrance.

Inside, the café was just as busy as the queue implied. People were craning for a look at the counter where the regulars normally sat, which had been taken over by cakes of all shapes and sizes. Well, Masamune assumed they were cakes of some sort - from here, they just looked like a bunch of badly-formed animals. Okuni sighed. "Here we go again."

Crowds parted to make way for her, and he hung back with Panda as she moved between the host of pastry crustaceans. None of the others were anywhere to be seen, not even Shirokuma. All of a sudden a cheer arose from the crowd as the great white polar bear emerged from the door to the kitchens. With so many people gathered round it was difficult to see what was going on, but he appeared to be carrying a large platter in both paws. After a glance at his competition, Shirokuma roared triumphantly and raised the plate up for all to see.

"No way!" Panda exclaimed.

For once, Masamune found himself in agreement with the panda. Upon the plate stood what appeared to be some sort of velociraptor made entirely of cake. Intricate lines of icing marked out the links between its scales; two whole cherries shone red as its eyes. It would have been so easy, in the dead of night, to think that those twisting sugar drops set into its mouth were teeth, or that those raisin-studded claws, given far greater depth by clinging shadows, were capable of tearing a man to pieces. The warlord and the panda stared in disbelief at the cake creature that had haunted them last night, somehow reborn from the scattered crumbs they had left it in.

"Impossible!" Masamune agreed. "Unless…"

His narrowed eyes roamed the café, seeking the thing that was out of place. A man standing near the back of the room caught his attention. He was wearing a plain apron over his ordinary brown clothes; above the familiar scar on his face, his chocolate-coloured hair sported a light dusting of flour. His hands were on his hips, his sleeves rolled up to the elbow as he watched the people clamoring for a glance of the velociraptor-shaped creation with pride. Then he caught Masamune watching him and his face turned scarlet as he took as sudden interest in the potted plant on the other side of the room. Masamune turned back to Shirokuma, snorting softly.

"Every year!" Okuni moaned, having appeared at Masamune's shoulder again. "It's horrible, isn't it?"

"You wouldn't want to meet that in a dark alley in the dead of night," Masamune casually remarked. Okuni gave him a strange look, but missed the irony.

"I guess I have no choice. It is by far the most… realistic-looking dinosaur cake I have ever seen." She raised her voice for the crowd. "And so, for his meticulous attention to detail and unparalleled craftsmanship in the art of sculpture-baking, the prize for this year's Polar Bear's Café's artistic baking competition goes to-"

And then the door slammed open and a chill breeze blasted into the café, carrying the shouted command, "Stop!"

As one, every single person in the café turned to look at the newcomer – and then, as one, glanced down as their line of sight passed over his head. Standing in the doorway, with his flippers raised to halt the proceedings, was Penguin.

"I am proud to present a last-minute entry to the artistic baking competition!" Penguin announced grandly. An excited murmur ran through the crowd, along with some muttered protests from the other competitors; Penguin ignored them all. "On behalf of myself and Sasako-san, may I present to you the quadruple-tiered iced strawberry cake!"

For a moment, nothing happened. Then Sasako appeared behind Penguin, dressed in her waitress's uniform, looking exhausted but outshining the spring sun with her beaming smile. Then into view came the reason for her exhaustion: a small cart that she was pulling along by virtue of a rope over her shoulder. And then, as the crowd watched with baited breath, the cake on the cart came into view. It was indeed a masterpiece: four layers of sponge embraced by white icing, smothered with strawberries and fancy iced decorations in scarlet, purple and orange; the kind of enormous cake that required an industrial oven and a lot of patience to make, and its own set of wheels for transportation. On its own it looked impressive; compared to the creepy velociraptor cake it was competing against, it was a divine gift from heaven, extravagant in application and yet wonderfully homely and simple.

Penguin began to explain. "Here we have four layers of vanilla cream sponge with homemade strawberry jam and-"

He was cut off abruptly as Okuni stuck a rosette to his face. "You win!" she announced gleefully.

"I- what?"

"Your cake wins the competition! First prize!"

"But I haven't finished explaining-"

"It doesn't matter! You win anyway!"

Penguin's protests were cut off as the crowd began to cheer. He blushed, and Sasako jumped in the air with joy. Masamune smiled to himself, pleased by Sasako's victory even as he wondered if Okuni would have given first prize to them for their normal-looking cake even if it had been just a badly-make sponge. A dejected Shirokuma couldn't pretend to be upset for long, and was soon distributing slices of the winning cake – and various limbs from the other entries – to the eager customers with his usual jovial attitude.

Masamune sidled over to Sasako. "So, this is what you've been doing for the past few days."

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Penguin was investigating the strange light on in the café at night and he discovered what Shirokuma was planning for his secret entry to the artistic baking competition. He told me, and we decided to team up to win this year! That's why we haven't been here – we were baking this enormous cake at my house!"

"I see." He had already fathomed as much. "Couldn't you have told someone what was going on, though? When you just don't turn up for work without any explanation…" He tailed off, aware of how hypocritical he was sounding.

Sasako asked anxiously, "Oh Masamune, you weren't worried, were you?"

"Of course not!" he snapped, looking away. "Okuni was moody because she had to cover your shifts, and you know what she can be like…"

Sasako pulled a face. "I'd better go and apologize to her, then." She disappeared into the crowd, leaving Masamune to reflect on the apology that he himself had to make.

When he couldn't put it off any more, he went to find Shirokuma. The polar bear had returned to his usual spot behind the counter, giving out slices of raptor-cake along with every coffee he made. It would be a long time before anyone would be able to safely order a drink in Polar Bear's Café.

"Shirokuma-kun," he began cautiously.

"I've got a café latte on the go if you want one," was Shirokuma's cheerful reply.

"No, that's okay," Masamune said awkwardly. This was not the kind of thing he was good at. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened to your cake – the first one, that is. Although it is a shame that your second didn't win."

"Don't worry about it. We were able to fix it in time, after all!"

"Yes. How did you even manage to do that in time?"

"Turns out that friend of yours knows a thing or two about baking. I couldn't possibly have recreated it in this time without him."

"Kojuurou! I knew it." Masamune struggled to suppress a smile.

"Your friend has a talent," Shirokuma added innocently.

"Indeed." Masamune scanned the crowd of diners for his loyal samurai, but couldn't see him anywhere. "Where is he now?"

"Oh, he left when Penguin-san and Sasako-san were declared the winners."

The warrior stood up suddenly. "I've got to go." Ignoring the knowing look the polar bear shot him, he ran out of the café.

Now that all the prizes had been awarded, people were beginning to file out of the café, allowing it to return to its standard level of occupancy. As a result, the street outside was full of people chatting and comparing amateur dessert creatures. Masamune pushed through them, chasing the figure in brown round a corner. When they were away from the crowd, he called out, "Kojuurou, stop!"

Although it had been more desperate than commanding, the sound of his lord's voice caused Kojuurou to freeze mid-step, as if his muscles had suddenly lost the ability to move. "Masamune-sama…" Then he turned and threw himself on the ground at his lord's feet. "My lord, I have failed you!"

Masamune blinked. "What?"

"I am a failure of a samurai. I act as if I know better than you how to run this campaign, even though you are my lord, and there is no one else who can rule this country! I am supposed to protect you, and protect this land, but all I can do is make things worse. And even as a baker, I cannot even win a simple baking competition! Whatever I try, I can do nothing but dishonour your name."

"Kojuurou, I think you're overreacting a little…"

"I am no longer fit to serve you, my lord!"Kojuurou's emphatic response was muffled by the fact that his face was pressed to the pavement. "I cannot continue to stand at the side of the One-Eyed Dragon. You need a better warrior than I."

A deadly silence fell. The pause in the conversation grew so long that Kojuurou almost raised his head to check if his lord was still there. When Masamune eventually spoke, his voice carried the dark, unspoken threat that would have befitted the conquering commander on the battlefield. The intensity of it sent shivers down Kojuurou's spine. It reminded him of the power he felt when he first encountered the young Masamune – the power to make a vain ambition of conquering the country into stark reality.

"Katakura Kojuurou, stand up."

"My lord-?"

"You're a fool to think that I can do better without you. I need you by my side, Kojuurou. I always have, and I always will."

"But Masamune-sama, I have failed you-"

"No. I need you to question me, the way you always have. I need you to challenge my decisions, so that I can best act responsibly for my people. I need you to be the voice of reason, to make up for my _occasional _lack of common sense."

Kojuurou choked back a laugh. He dared to look up, and found a rarely-seen fondness in Masamune's eye. The young warlord sighed. "I need my right eye, Kojuurou. If you think I'm just going to let you leave – well, it won't be while I still live, you got that?"

He crouched down next to his vassal's prostrate form. "Oh, I know what you want. Fine. Stick with me, and I'll let you have some free time occasionally to spend baking in the palace kitchens. Okay?"

"But, my lord," Kojuurou protested, his voice a mere whisper. "When I first came to serve you, you said I couldn't practice the art of cake-baking because it was not the action of a warrior-"

"Well, neither is hanging around a café run by a polar bear," Masamune responded bluntly. "But I'm not going to stop, and neither should you. Perhaps I was wrong. You outdid yourself today, with that cake."

"But I didn't win, my lord!"

"You were never going to compete with Okuni's bias," he commented. Standing up, he grabbed Kojuurou's wrist and pulled the older man up with him. "Don't let it get you down. It's disturbing to see you so put out. You should be criticizing me for something." Kojuurou couldn't help laughing at that. "So what do you say? Are you going to stop beating yourself up over this and come back with me?"

A wry smile crossed the warrior's face. "As long as you let someone know where you're going before disappearing off to the café, or elsewhere."

"Done. Oh, and I want my pistols back." Kojuurou nodded, relieved that his lord wasn't going to punish him further for that. "Then let's go back to Ōshū."

The domestic sounds of the café faded into the background as the lord and his most trusted retainer headed back to their home. Now, it was time to be a leader. There would be plenty of chances to visit the strange café again when the immediate conflict was over.

As if he had read his lord's mind, Kojuurou informed him, "You were right about the conflict, my lord. It was a false alarm. Oda Nobunaga's men retreated without a fight in the face of united opposition."

"Of course I was right. I'm always right." He caught Kojuurou's disapproving look and amended, "I'm always right – about these things."

"If you say so, my lord."

"But it might not be a false alarm, next time. And there's only so much time we can spend waiting for other lords to wear each other down by fighting amongst themselves before we have to start making our own moves. So, don't worry, Kojuurou. I won't stop going to the café, but I won't forget who I am either, or what I am going to achieve."

Kojuurou smiled at the seriousness that had returned with determination to his lord's voice. "No, my lord. I'm not worrying."

* * *

Panda: Penguin-san! Penguin-san!

Penguin: What is it, Panda-kun?

Panda: Give me a thousand tips on dating in the next thirty seconds!

Penguin: …I don't think that would be physically possible even if I did want to.

Panda: It's no surprise you're single, Penguin-san.

Penguin: What does that have to do with anything?

Panda: I think you're going to grow old alone-

Penguin: Let's end this, Shirokuma-kun!

Shirokuma: Next time, Polar Bear's Café will be brought to you in Swedish!

Penguin: No, it'll be English!

Sasako: Enjoy!


End file.
